A thousand ways against fliter

I’m afraid, it’s really my honor that this site been baned in Chinese websystem.
God pity me the seldom visits here in 20 days. I have to conclude the wordpress dotcom has been baned in China.
So it’s not queer I could not log in this site these days.
But thanks this difficulty, I don’t believe I could no longer push my words and antagonized this obstacle: at last I found many methods to view the forbidden websites.

The easiest way is adding .nyud.net:8090 behind your URL. But its speed might be limited.

Or you could use some softwares to break the shield. Now I’m using Torpark, a web browser different from IE. Torpark runs easy and convenient. The other thing you need is a Proxy site. For my example:203.55.231.107;8080.
Then, you could view millions of new webs which totally resist your former worldviews. That’s a new world, or be calld ‘Reality’.

Here I give the system manager a saying: You may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all the time; but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.

Never try to fool us, because you can’t stop the historical flood;
Because we clever get thousands of ways against evil.
queer adj. 奇怪的
antagonize v.反抗

Holy Proxy!

无法抑制此刻激动的心情，本人总算冲破国家级网络盾牌的封锁，连上了这个远在天边的境外网站。
我得痛斥自己的愚昧，使用电脑已有8年，居然到现在才会用代理服务器。所以今天的标题我毫不吝啬的献给了Proxy！——伟大的代理服务器。在这里我谢谢CCTV谢谢MTV，谢谢那些奋斗在科技第一线的电脑达人，是他们解决了像我这样，无法认识真实世界的中国人口的苦恼，使我能在这种穷乡僻野，即使网络屏蔽异常的发达，也能够冲破白痴的网盾，一上网络世界的真容……

啊~~~~是啊，我很久没来这儿，不是我不勤奋，而是现在身处的地区网络屏蔽异常严重（非常奇怪，此地经济并不发达，屏蔽技术及热情却……），以至我无法登陆这个网站。虽然过了一段闲适日子，念及友间师长对此伪文艺青年的期待，以屏蔽的借口偷懒实在心有所愧，于是苦苦钻研代理软件20分钟，终于搞定，面对着Honest Grave之蓝色屏幕，激动万分，全然不顾忌所谓英语氛围，抄起滔滔不绝的汉语开始表达……

其实，这儿是可以用汉字回复的，所以各位看官如果觉着用英语回复别扭，请尽情挥洒汉字，不必受限于地主的蹩脚英文。

作为一个英文阅读和使用的爱好者，我并非说一定要用糟糕的英语来炫耀自己什么，毕竟，曾经的一个分数已经让我对任何评价失去了兴趣，相反，我是在学习，一种更可靠的信息搜寻途径。
利用信息不仅仅是download，不仅仅是absorb，还应该是express。我在英语写作方面过于欠缺，而今后又想向世界的知识领域看齐，因此从现在做起并不是件坏事。一般的评论文章或者胡说作品，我会用英语表达出来，并且在文章后面附上难词的中文解释。好让大家一起进步。

更为重要的一点，在这个过程中，我发现用非母语表达个人情感是一件很虚弱的事情。关于电影《金刚》的写作中，还有很多内容我没能写出来，也许是忘记了，也许是没这个能力；至于《站在世界中心呼唤爱》更是觉得憋屈，也许我能利用那时迸发的感情洪流，写出一篇抽离于电影、而又属于自己的作品。可是没有，除了寥寥几个单词，站在自我的中心我觉得无力，我太弱了。
或许，我就不该强求自己，用英语写“碎片”（Fragments）真的很难，不仅因为用英语准确表达细微情感很辛苦，还在于汉语本身已经非常华丽了。我打心底喜欢汉语丰富的意境，而非西语的逻辑。或许说，我自身就是个浪漫的人，丰富的汉语已经很好了，它足以助我在感觉的海洋里遨游。
于是，偶尔我会放下，用中文细说涓涓细水。
而大部分时间里，继续用宏观方法，分析世间的滚滚洪流。

‘Crying Out Love, in the Center of the World’

 

A film with pure love. 
A reminiscence for their first love. 
The angelic girl died of leukaemia. 
Only a classic story, but 
broke my psyche. 

I got the same name with him: 
Soul
I also have the same experience: 
She

 

You are 
my nightmare 
my lunar goddess 
my ever lasting love 

You never die. 
Your being is my way to survive. 
Because love never die. 
Because your beauty never fade in memory of mine

   

Flying fish 
White hat 
Umbrella above us 
Sky 
Everything with you 
Nothing but you   

After ten years 
Your voice uncover my heart. 
Hey, I miss you. 
always 
and 
forever 

You disappeared from the space. 
I will still take you to the center of the world, 
where only two of us left, 
where no one bother us, 
where is in my heart. 

   

But the reality is 
I terribly hurt you when you were fragile. 
You needed me, but the coward left you. 
Hate me, please. 
Your misfortune is all my sin. 

Life is true. 
Joy is faint. 
Your smile stands between them. 
Then you told me to enjoy the life, 
even you no longer stay with me. 

 

I know I can not live without you. 
So I refuse. 
Gloomy blue, I sway. 
Lonely corpse, I swear. 

KingKong KingKong

                        KING KONG 
                            –‘Because I love you’

   

    I sat in the comfortable seat of a top cinema when my heart was rolling with the thrilling pace of King Kong, and reached a unique excitement. Yes, it is the monster King Kong, through Peter Jackson’s hands, ‘he’ is shifted into a human being, the one that with marvelous power and persistent adoration for his tiny girl. After the thrills you wouldn’t believe King Kong is just an animal, which always is barbarous, stupid, or sometimes violent in human’s eyes, but this time he might be the gentlest hero in movie history. (Of course, not including his defense manners) 

    I was shocked by the delicate role King Kong in this three hours film. He is totally different from what once we could see from monster films: nearly all the monsters are horrific looking, disgusting and propagate to slaughter human kind, also at last there would be a hero stand out to combat with the monster, then survive or died gloriously. ‘King Kong’ distinguish itself from all the mediocrity, Peter Jackson not only exhibit a gorilla’s natural essence: strong, aggressive, intellectual, also give the giant a real heart: he can love and be loved.

    I will never forget the plot that King Kong smartly pretended to avoid beauty’s appreciation after battling with three dinosaurs. I also remember the melancholy eyes filled with love while he was falling down the Empire Building of human world. He is not merely a model or some digits in computer program, he is a dream in childhood Peter, that lovely gorilla, who fell in love with a tiny size girl.

    Technically speaking, King Kong is a milestone in movie industry. We even can’t separate the real model and computer’s calculating results in screen. A perfect show was born when the girl touched King Kong as her real lover in digital world, and so many sick giant insects intentionally appeared to frighten audiences. (Oh, the only thing I could do to avoid the sucking insects was shutting my eyes…) Although I could predict accurately when the insects would appear on the screen through the camera’s motion, fears inevitably spill over my coward containers.
    The skeleton of ‘King Kong’ should be amazing technical power, thanks for thousands of computers in Jackson’s studio. They changed the world’s outlook, a new generation in film is coming.

    After all, ‘King Kong’ is just a commercial movie, and its naissance is to earn money for shareholders at last. Luckily fat Peter completed the difficult mission that so many famous masters failed. He is a genius, at least in making films for capital’s profiting and for audiences’ enjoying, then balance them. The price of success was his loosing fat. With the trilogy of the ‘Ring’ and the following ‘King Kong’, I believe that thin Peter absolutely stepped into the master circle, what next for him are huge wages, mansions, limousines and overwhelming reputation…  

    However, I know Peter–fat or thin–is a nice guy who loves his nation New Zealand in his depths. He will not easily surrender to Hollywood as Polansik reveling with Jack Nickerson. The only reason is that he is a fat. Fat always be purely kind. ^_^

    In fact I still observed a lot of hints in ‘King Kong’ such as Peter’s mocking film investor, the greedy and cunning actor, hypocritical upper classes…So someone comments this film that actually is antihuman. He loathes Peter’s attitude for lecturing. Well, in contrast, from my points I very appreciated Peter’s calling, because I prefer the nature to metropolis and inside my heart I secretly keep an amour of countryside, with a so called ‘naïve’ dream to live with vivid nature, or to be a ‘naturalist’. And Peter will be my partner in the same camp. The actor and the audience stand in the same line, so it’s not weir this comment sounds so recommendatory to you. That’s right, ‘King Kong’ is my most favorite.  

    When everyone’s eyes were attracting by the adventurous experience, a lad who next day would meet a challenging test crouched in a seat, terrified by the horrifying features (e.g. insects -_-b), and been moved by the lovely gorilla, crying without tears. A girl sitting besides him wept loudly, she was alone, without male bosom to lean. The lad, too. He’s not only lonely but even admired the lone girl that she still got tears to flow.

    What a blessed girl, she would never know there is a kind of crying which fly without tear.
    If she is the girl  of him, he would straightly look into her eyes and say nothing but ‘Because I love you’.

The Forbidden D.H.Lawrance

    Spending three years of my campus life, I finished the novel ‘Sons and Lovers’, D.H. Lawrance’s semi-autobiography. It was really a huge project for me: almost 700 pages, unreadable dialects of Britian country, colorful adjectives for depicting scenery… But I did finish it, completed my first English novel reading exprience that push me to an endless road–embracing native language version of novels as a impulsion.

    ‘Sons and Lovers’ as its description says: Oedipus Complex (Mania for maternal love), and its famous reputation of affection between the mother and the son. Before reading I was curious about the forbidden plot. ‘Is there any sexual relationshipbetween…?’
    I don’t lie here, really that was what I thought with my contemporary views, the result of too much pornographic reading. Admittedly, I am not CJ (The chinese abbreviation of ‘pure’).

    Surprisingly, there was no any nauseating relations between the two roles, but only supersubtle emotion in them which supporting their spirital life. They loved each other too much. For Paul’s growing, his first love, and his lost marrige, his mother interfered a lot because she didn’t want to lose his dearest son at all. And Paul, too, never leave his mother, even though he killed his dying mother in lethal ill at last, which was Lawrance’s true exprience.

    Due to Lawrance’s own uncommon story, he got a extraordinary sensibility for feeling love, interpersonal relationship and introspection even that he eloped with an old professor’s wife… In his works he could delicatedly observe people’s subtle emotional changes and could express them in an exquisite way. Beautiful adjectives under his pen were weaved into a bow of rainbow. But never vulgar. So you could image the pure and forbidden love under those conservative ideas at that age.

    However, comparing with his another famous opus–’Lady Chatterley’s Lover’, ‘Sons and Lovers’ seems a little cautious in voicing his thoughts. Now the book on my hand been read, is his most famous book once been banned. I’ve read it half. Now I just comment it preliminarily.

    It’s a great book, as I can value. Although Lawrance dauntlessly wrote a lot of contents about sexul tastes, which were still elegant I think, gave the novel different guts and totally different temporal cirticism. Maybe now we cannot understand that intense moral atmosphere in 1920s. In fact, now how could we imagine a Harvard’s professor writes a pornographic column in Playboy? They are the same. Therefore, that’s how Lawrance been controversial in that day.

    After all, what we need is to read the novel by self. Then you could see something about Lawrance’s melancholy, how about his misery to humankind’s emotional confusion. In the emotional portray, Lawrance is something like Stefan Zweig I’ve read. But from contents or forms, it reminders me Nabokov’s ‘Lolita’, they are all relating to forbidden love, one Oedipus, one pedophilia, but the two are human emotions that so real to be comprehensive and forgivable, at least for me.

    To be continued…

Inside, or Outside?

    Nearly one hundred years ago, a literate noblewoman in a French salon told Hemingway: Unpublished novel is just a heap of papers. At that moment Hemingway was just a young writer and was struggling to think, to exprience, to write, to join society to learn so called “literature”.
    However, from this motto he learned that besides his gifted writing he should try to put his scripts into printings.

    Inside, we sing poems everyday, without any tools but sentences in our mind.
    But queerly we still feel lonely, as a drama performing in an emtpy threate.No one told you, the show is excellent or not. All silence.

    Outside, immense hoaring and vanity fair, how grandiose! So many people are rich and ecstatic, except ourselves. No one hear what you are murmuring, most likely.

    I know it might break my promise that I will never write blog. However I must explain this is only a form of transition, before I finished establishing my personal site I have to find a place to excrete my words, otherwise, my annoyance of solitude will explode, tease my body, and kill my existence.

    Honestly, if I can’t find any meaning of living, suiciding to release is my last corner.
    It is not the matter of being inside or being outside. It is just an expression, from my inside, to your outside.

    This is Honest Grave. Welcome to the pessimist’s confession.